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Sunday, July 31, 2005
Just finished reading one of my friend's blog. Which made me ask myself, why do i even bother to write?
My entries were nothing compared to hers. Hers were very articulate, very witty, very well-written. Her works always amazed me. Not only with how it was written, but with how she saw things and discussed it. Which was why I asked myself, why do I even bother writing? I'll never measure up to her, as to my other kaBlogs.
Then while I am writing this, this thought crossed my mind:
I guess this is my way of saying goodbye. For how long, I don't know.
Will it be permanent? I can't answer that now.
Will I be resurrected in another blog address? most probably but that will come when its time.
But for now, I need my silence.
Mang Temi... signing off.
One last note: Funny... one of classmates back in HS sent a email over our mailing list about two weeks ago saying that he was signing off. And it caused a lot of stir (at mga hirit na puro katarantaduhan) coz everybody thought he was going to commit suicide or something. I never imagined I would be saying thing. And I'm not even a radio station.
Posted at 11:47 pm by lonelystufftoy
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Friday, July 29, 2005
My elem kids had their classes cut short early because they were given the rest of the day to rest for their fieldtrip tomorrow. And do you know where they're going? AVILON ZOO!!!
i wanted to join them!
haven't been there yet, and been wanting too since it opened.
there were plans before, but it just didn't materialize for one particular reason ;)
now, i don't know anyone who shares the same interest with me
in going to zoo's. But... any takers, perhaps?
Blog me. Let's go on a sunday.
I like to move it move it
I like to move it move it
I like to move it move it
we like to... move it!
If you didn't find that funny, lost ka! hahaha cuteness!!!
Posted at 01:22 pm by lonelystufftoy
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was just toying around with words, a futile attempt at poetry
but it was fun...
The Only One
Kailan muling papatugtugin
Ang musikang dati’y kay dalas tangkilikin
Na nagpaindak hindi lamang ng katawan
Kundi pati na rin ng puso
ilang buwan na ang nakaraan
Mistulang iniiwasan
Sa sandali ito’y isinalang
Ng winamp sa aking laptop
Pindot sa forward ay mabilisan.
Tanggal sa playlist, kung kinakailangan
Muli bang papakinggan?
Muli bang magpapadala
Sa kanta ng big mountain
Sa jam ni pareng bob
Sa tunog na reggae kung tawagin
Kailan muling gigiling
Sa kanyang piling
Sa bistro ng dekada sisenta
O di kaya’y sa xaymaca
Na magpasahanggang ngayon
Na sa aking mga alaala.
Coz you… ahahaha
kailangan itigil na ang pagpupuyat...
Posted at 01:14 pm by lonelystufftoy
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Friday, July 15, 2005
Taking on Multiple Roles, Burning Out, and Still Loving It
Just recently, a friend of mine told me that she noticed that I didn't have anything new on my blog for a long time now. She also asked that I should do an entry soon.
I really didn't care if there was nothing new on it. Everything just got so busy all of a sudden. And I just got tired of everything else on the internet, save for a few necessary activities like e-mail and online banking. But to tell me the truth, I just lost the drive to write.
So here I am, logged on, with nothing to write. That's when the idea hit me - look back at my drafts and try to complete one of them.
I am a Coordinator of an after-school learning technological facility for underserved kids.
Sounds kinda high-tech, huh? It sure is, especially since my tech HUB is in the middle of the nowhere.
Nowhere is Gen. Trias, Cavite; a rural community, in the middle of rice fields. i'm not kidding. Where the town's plaza is the place to see and be seen. Although housing 1 and a half export processing/manufacturing zones, the town's life is still slow. Everybody's inside by 8PM, Sunday consist of the attending mass, spending time in the plaza eating fishballs, quek quek, scramble, dirty ice cream and food from local burger stands (Franks and Big Mak). The nearest Jollibee is 4-8 kms away depending on which direction you take from the Poblacion intersection. The nearest malls - SM and Robinsons - are farther, although there's a couple of Waltermarts that requires half the distance compared to the malls.
Underserved kids - kids who don't have access to computers, who are sons/daughters of farmers or factory workers, seamen, labadera, katulong, - blue-collar workers. Kids whose knowledge of computers are limited to games like Counter Strike and arcade games; who haven't heard, seen, used the internet before, be it be for research or communicating with others. Kids, when asked 'why haven't you been coming to the CH?' during summer vacation, would give you the answer, ' Kuya, walang perang pamasahe eh.'
As a Coordinator, I take on the following roles:
Manager - I manage the day to day operations of the CH. Making sure that electric bill is paid, the aircons are working, and there's an adequate supply of toners and paper for the kids. Do monthly, semi-annual, and annual reports; coming up with innovative projects to get the kids interested. Looking and recuriting volunteers for the kids. Searching and arranging educational fieldtrips for the kids, to name a few.
Mentor and Resource Person - Guiding and teaching the kids the basics of a particular software to get them started on projects. Challenging them to be more creative and imaginative by giving out suggestions
Technical Support and Network Maristic - I graduated with a degree in Community Dev't. A far cry to what people usually assume. So computer science ka? I had to force myself to be maristic. What I know about computers basically came from the fact that I love playing computer games and I got tired from all the crap that those computer repair guys give me whenever I had problems with my system. Self-taught, or maybe nagtapang lang ako. Coz I knew if I did something really bad, there's always the crappy repair guys to go to.
Too many for one person to handle? You're probably right. After work, I just grab dinner sa palengke coz I'm too tired to cook. Try working a little more, then fall asleep. I get burned out easily. Especially when you have grand plans that are perpetually being postponed because it's just too much to handle. And I am practically alone here. All my friends are in Manila. Friends that you could just hang out with and talk nonsense to clear my mind of work. But I am surviving, and have survived for about 2 years and 8 months now.
What gives me strentgh to continue my work (pwera yung contract and the trips) despite how tiring it sounds, is the other roles that I take on for the kids - I am their friend, their kuya, their barkada. Someone who'll listen to their stories no matter how shallow or serious it is.
And something happened today that made me reflect and type this down.
It was Foundation Day at the High School across from where I work. Turns out, it was a big celebration - they had a dance and singing contest, intermission numbers, and a beauty pageant aptly named "Ms. Gov".
Crap. I forgot what happned that made me reflect. Anyway, it was a nice trip down memory-draft lane. Till next time.
Posted at 01:08 pm by lonelystufftoy
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Wednesday, July 13, 2005
I don’t know where I’m going
But, I sure know where I’ve been
Hanging on the promises
In songs of yesterday
An’ I’ve made up my mind,
I ain’t wasting no more time
But, here I go again
I've been used to the idea, wait, let me rephrase that
to the joy that after every trip i took out of the country, I came home to someone.
Seeing that someone was always the best thing about coming home.
Tho’ I keep searching for an answer,
I never seem to find what I’m looking for
Oh lord, I pray
You give me strength to carry on,
’cos I know what it means
To walk along the lonely street of dreams
Flying back home was always unbearable.
Spending 8+ hours (from sydney) and 16+ (if from the US) in a flying piece of tin
is a grueling experience. I couldn't do anything about it. I was stuck in that seat
breathing the same air everyone was inahling and exhaling.
Feeling bloated and numb because your blood seemed to stop flowing.
Not to mention that I had to deal with whoever was my seatmate.
and although I could sleep it off, it wasn't anywhere near the comforting feeling
of her hugs... being in her arms... hay...
And here I go again on my own
Goin’ down the only road I’ve ever known,
Like a drifter I was born to walk alone
An’ I’ve made up my mind
I ain’t wasting no more time
I always wished there was some way i could speed up the trip
(Fuma Lay-ar would have been a great friend to have during these moments)
But alas, i was powerless, and just forced myself to deal with it.
every waking hour in that plane was punishment for me.
the longing to be with that someone worsened as the hours passed.
i was always restless. i just tried to remedy my situation by imagining the feeling
of being around her and hear her stories; or how way better it is to be just kilometers away
which could easily be overcome with a few hours of driving or commuting on the road; or to be in the same land mass as hers coz I really wouldn't mind driving everyday to where she is just to see her.
I’m just another heart in need of rescue,
Waiting on love’s sweet charity
An’ I’m gonna hold on
For the rest of my days,
’cos I know what it means
To walk along the lonely street of dreams
but this time it was different. this time around, i am coming home to no one.
not to someone who i think best understands me
not to someone whom i enjoyed the best times of my life with the most
and not to someone who i think i lost because i took the risk.
An’ here I go again on my own
Goin’ down the only road I’ve ever known,
Like a drifter I was born to walk alone
An’ I’ve made up my mind
I ain’t wasting no more time
It's really ironic if I think about it. The trip was the last I'm going to take for a really long time. How apt the situation is.
An’ I’ve made up my mind,
I ain’t wasting no more time
An’ here I go again on my own
Goin’ down the only road I’ve ever known,
Like a drifter I was born to walk alone
’cos I know what it means
To walk along the lonely street of dreams
An’ here I go again on my own
Goin’ down the only road I’ve ever known,
Like a drifter I was born to walk alone
An’ I’ve made up my mind
I ain’t wasting no more time...
Posted at 03:07 pm by lonelystufftoy
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Tuesday, June 28, 2005
I never really did win, did I?
so mogoose, you lose.
But I really didn't win, did I?
consuelo de bobo nalang yung pusta, noh?
Posted at 06:49 am by lonelystufftoy
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Saturday, June 25, 2005
high time for life insurance?
this morning i realized that it's dangerous to go biking along commonwealth ave.
although spanning six lanes, its one crazy highway with the jeepneys and the buses
swerving almost instantly from the middle lane to the outer most lane to pick up passengers.
totally oblivious to cyclists like myself.
but i really don't mind (i think...) i'm just in it for the ride.
for the past two weeks, i've been biking a minimum of 20k everyday along the provincial highways where i live and work during weekdays. and it's becoming addictive. my body's been searching for the work out every day. and just last weekend, I decided to not go home to Manila in order to bike through 3 municipalities in cavite on Sunday morning. And I'm glad did. I guess that's my escape...from everything.
So what's bugging me right now is - should I get some kind of life insurance or accident insurance since I bike along side 10-wheeler and trailer trucks, jeepneys that are nearing the notoriety of drivers plying the cubao-montalban route (mga patok!), scooters whose drivers think their kings of the road (but are actually dorks), and other drivers that are not considerate to cyclists?
Then add to this the close calls I've had with the pavement or dirt road - almost sideswiped by a truck bed, almost slammed inyo the back of a utility van because it suddenly stopped. And the cherry topping to my newest addiction? Facing overtaking cars head-on because of my principles/stubborness/pride (bring it on!).
I haven't met an accident while biking. But I know someday I will. Someday I will kiss the pavement. Someday I will have scrathches, wounds and scars from my legs upto my elbows. Someday my helmet will serve its purpose. And I'm looking forward to that day, coz when that day comes, I'll be able to overcome my fear of meeting an accident.
So bring it on, life. Coz I'm ready to bleed. But do wait for me till I get an accident insurance, para naman, maaksidente o mamatay ako, meron akong pambayad sa gastos :P
I feel so alive!
Posted at 02:10 am by lonelystufftoy
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Wednesday, June 22, 2005
overheard at my usual morning carinderia along the highway
from my usual morning breakfast buddies composed of tricycle drivers...
"Ayus noh. Valenciana, palabok, pansit. Pinagsama-sama mo na
ang debut, birthday at binyag! Nilagyan pa ng itlog!"
Juvy's Carinderia...ayus!
Posted at 12:48 pm by lonelystufftoy
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Tuesday, June 14, 2005
amazing how thoughts of you
are taking over my entire being
as each day pass
my conviction grows strong
but my will, remains weak
as to when you will be able to hear all this
i am unsure
maybe she was right
maybe i won't have the guts to do it after all
and so i decide to write
the voice inside me stops screaming
and my nerves calm down
almost instantly
as my feelings are given a new place to dwell
meant to be read, but never will be sent.
Posted at 07:23 pm by lonelystufftoy
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naiisipan ko lang bumisita.
hello blog. kamusta na?
hamo, kapag nakaluwag ako sa trabaho.
magsusulat ulit ako. mejo nawalan ako ng gana eh.
pasensya na.
babalik din ito.
temi.
Posted at 05:33 pm by lonelystufftoy
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